Things I don't understand pt. 1

Tits. Or rather, women who have said breasticles wearing something skimpy and bra-less and then bouncing down the road glaring at anyone looking at them. I can't help it - it's in my genes*. I'm supposed to be looking at them. My brain will be having a perfectly normal meander through the dark recesses in my head and then I'll spy some top bollocks approaching me on the pavement and my thought processes will go something like:

"So, I finish at 5, then pub for two hours, then food. So I reckon I have 5 hours to play GTA tonight, providing I don't...... TIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTSSSSSSSS....... have an especially long lunch break after the meeting at 11am....."

The thing I truly don't understand here is that if said woman doesn't want men to stare at them, then why are they on display? It's like me driving a soft-top Ferrari down a street packed with pedestrians while blipping the throttle - and then swearing at anyone looking at my car. It makes no sense. Don't want them noticed = wear more than a postage stamp.

Having said that, it's the least of my worries at the moment. I'm in trouble at work, or rather, I think I'm in trouble at work. It turns out it was 'widely'** advertised that a group of EXTREMELY VERY IMPORTANT AND POWERFUL VISITORS from the premier Chinese scientific establishment were making a tour of the office this morning. And lo! it came to pass that at 11:19am a group of 6 very Chinese looking people were slowly ushered through the IT department with an ongoing commentary on what we do there*** provided by a slightly flustered looking PR lady.

As they passed by, the grandmotherly character amongst them stopped with an excited 'Ooooo!' right by my desk. I look up startled from my work (and with my headphones on I hadn't noticed them appear) as they all pointed at my latest diet coke can sculpture. Oh shit.

Now my current WIP is 4 cans high and 6 wide at the base (it's a Toltec Sun Temple actually - an admittedly ambitious project) so is fairly noticeable. It isn't - or so I thought - a tourist attraction. The Chinese delegation all beamed at me. A colleague snorted in laughter and I had to look away to avoid bursting into mildly hysterical laughter at what they did next.

Yes. That's right. They took a group photo of themselves next to a collection of empty diet coke cans. I swear one of them did the little thumbs-up gesture too. They then sauntered off admiring their work in the viewscreen on their digital camera, while the PR lady glared at me. This is going to go one of two ways - firstly that they think this is yet another delightful example of English eccentricity and I get away with it, secondly that this is a shocking example of indiscipline and they frown upon it which would mean me being 'canned'. I sincerely hoped my boss's boss was joking when he walked past later shaking his head and saying 'contract ended by diet coke, a real shame'. :-S


Still, fuck it. It was friday afternoon so we spent it trying to see who could come up with the best joke on an Austrian theme. Some unrepeatable crackers were heard! If it's one thing I like about this country is that we can laugh at anything. Unless we're scouse ;-P

And my X-Box has arrived with GTA4, so I'll see y'all in a couple of weeks :)

I'll leave you with a great summer track from my past. My first year at university in fact. She's got an awesome voice!

*Or in some cases, almost bursting out of them *chortle*
**As in they put it on the intranet. What kind of permabored crackhead reads the company intranet?
***I too would like to know this.