Aarrgh! What a shit-arse few days. Started to come down with a cold on Thursday but made it to work on both Thursday and Friday despite feeling awful (man flu obviously, possibly even scrofula). Managed to grab a pint in the local with GGTW1 before getting an early night as Saturday was a bit mental.

I had a ticket to the north London derby which, in the Police's infinite wisdom, had been moved to a 1pm kick-off. This means I'd have to leave my southern base at 9:30am to get to pick the ticket up along the way and make it on time for kick off. Before that I had to get my hair cut, collect several parcels, go to bank and help girl 1 clean the flat as her sister was staying over that night to go out for girl 1's birthday. Due to my usual morning self it meant that by 9:30 I'd achieved everything but was ready to go back to bed! But No! Off to London it is - made loads of time up along the M4 and was even contemplating a dodgy pie at the ground when I turned off the M4 flyover onto the North Circular and into a complete nightmare. It was backed up due to roadworks immediately and was being filtered into two lanes (no indication which was which). I plumped for left only to reach the end and discover that the right-hand lane was for the diverted North Circular and the left for local traffic - and by the time the sign was visible it was coned off so that you couldn't switch lane. Bastards, bastards, bastards. I ended up in Ealing caught at Sadists Corner Traffic Lights (TM) where despite a mile and a half jam the lights let through 2 cars at a time. TWO CARS!!! Double bastards. Now gridlocked I was stuck for one and a quarter hours and missed the first ten minutes of the match despite a mad two mile sprint (well, jog/hobble anyway) from the only place I could park the car to the ground.

We then drew 1-1, despite deserving to be 5-0 up against the gooners at half time.

I was supposed to then go for a meal at my step-mothers (where about 6 other family members would also be attending) but it was cancelled at the last minute due to other people's illness, so back home it was. Girl 1 then nicely invited me out to join her birthday drinks which turned out to be really good fun and was one of the few times I've seen girl 1 off her face (most amusing).

Sunday my cold kicked in big-style and I've had to have two days off work (mega-bucks for a contractor, the sign of the truly incapable of moving) lying in bed feeling very miserable. Yesterday I decided to finally brave the journey up and went to load my stuff in the car only to discover that some twat had scraped (and dented and cracked) the rear of my car while it was parked. Luckily a local shop had witnessed it and written down the number plate before the van drove off without leaving any details. Cue call to the police (learnt my lesson from last time when I reported to a local police station that my car had been hit only to be accused by some Nazi policewoman that I'd committed a felony for not calling 999 immediately! Mad be-yatch...) who, funnily enough, directed me to my local police station to produce all my documents (can't win, so don't try - my motto for dealing with the police). I did this (and twisted my knee ligaments walking to the police station to boot - this was not a good day), then called the insurance company and was informed that the van belonged to a delivery company so they were likely to deny all knowledge and claim the witness was mistaken.

Looks like another thing that's going to run and run......

Good news (slightly) is that I've finally got all my paperwork from the accountant and I can send that to the Inland Revenue tonight, hopefully ending that chapter (though was astonished when my initial IR contact was finally in the office today when I rang and claimed that the three separate messages I'd left over the last month had never been given to her. It would explain why she was an complete cow until I explained this....)

Honestly, is it all worth it? Would I be happier claiming 20k in benefits, having kids just to get more child allowance and getting fat? Probably not, I'd have to take up smoking Lambert & Butler for a start.....