23 May 2008

That's just wrong maaaan.....

Saw this wonderful quote on the BBC website today from the hicksville car salesman giving away a free gun with every used car:

He added that the promotion was inspired by recent comments from one of the Democratic nominees for the presidential election, saying: "We did it because of Barack Obama.

"He said all those people in the Midwest, you've got to have compassion for them because they're clinging to their guns and their Bibles. I found that quite offensive. We all go to church on Sunday and we all carry guns."

So, um, what he's saying is correct then, retardo?

Jesus, this man could be president one day - can we not just put a big wall up around the place now just in case?

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Anyway, one of the cool parts of re-organising everything in the flat was finding random bits of paper from former stages of my life. I was reminded of one today after getting an email from my good friend K who has recently emigrated to Newfoundland to set up a snow export business or something. Seeing as he's now canadian I shall call him CK.

CK, another friend N and I all worked for a company in Bristol in the late 90's. We all became good friends and spent a lot of time having those pub conversations where you end up putting the world to rights. Out of one such conversation we had an idea. An idea so cool that we made a demo and did some market research. It went really, really well so we tried to find a senior partner. In the end we all quit en-masse and moved to another company that promised to stump up ten million pounds.

Ten. Million. Pounds.

Huzzah! We were going to be dotcom millionaires! We even started planning company cars - we wanted the new Beetle (because it was very new then) but one in red, one in white and one in blue after the Italian Job (the original, not the hollywood abortion of a remake with Mark MoreInterestingToActuallyStareAtAWahlberg). I think I was going to have the blue one - complete with livery for the website plastered all over it.

Of course it turned out to be a steaming pile of shite and this guy had no money nor the contacts to get such sums. We ended up working more and more for his company and less for our idea and, yada, yada long story get on with it....

Right. Well while we worked for his company that was based in Manchester - while we worked from the Bristol hovel they called an 'office' - they had a monthly newsletter that got emailed around. The usual stuff about new business won, qualifications gained by staff, some gubbins from marketing about sales initiatives (that seemed to revolve around getting pissed on company money) etc etc. One section was personal information about staff, birthdays and the like. Being a remote office we got asked to contribute a small paragraph detailing what we were up to (personally, not at work thankfully as that would have been 'the Bristol office have played Quake 3 on the network for 8 days straight, N has the most kills but RS is the most lethal sniper').

We started off being semi-serious (N has started playing the guitar while RS is attending evening classes in German) but it soon descended into how-much-can-we-get-away-with territory.

The one I found the other week simply said 'N's poetry recital at the Montpellier Cultural Festival went down a storm and he hopes to be published this time next year. Meanwhile, RS' conversational Pushtu class is going well and he's planning a trip to ancient Persia sometime around autumn and CK's medley of 80's hits on the kazoo is a firm favourite in his local pub.'

We got told off by the MD after that :(

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I also found our patent application. Gosh we were creative in our dim and distant early twenties! That was a good idea too, but the stupid world wouldn't do what we told it to *huff*

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And finally, heard this song on the radio today for the first time in ages so looked up the video. Jesus H TittyFucking Christ. I can't be the only person surely who thinks that there's something seriously wrong about a 40 year old heroin addict in a room full of (supposedly) schoolgirls in negligee's bouncing up and down?

This was apparently the most requested music video on Vietnamese MTV - from the Gary Glitter wing anyway....


7 Comments:

At 24 May 2008 at 15:45, Blogger Nichola said...

Britney Spears has a lot to answer for.

Yes, I know she was years after but she's a master of time travel as well, you know. Just because she's trailer park trash doesn't mean she's incapable of bending the laws of physics.

 
At 25 May 2008 at 14:15, Blogger Gorilla Bananas said...

Whip the bounder for corrupting virgins! Wait...are we sure that they actually are virgins?

 
At 25 May 2008 at 17:32, Blogger Red Squirrel said...

Well it was the 80's and with all that make-up it's hard to tell. I'm willing to concede that said women may be 45 and on the crystal meth....

 
At 25 May 2008 at 21:01, Blogger SG said...

uh, dunno how to say this nicely but, um... thanks for the earwig, dude. NOT. |-(

now i'll have that piecashit coming outta my ears for- oh wait, i hear the yups just came home upstairs. time to blast MY music; i love it when they jump up and down. well, in all truth, they don't do that anymore.

fun fact: they did it since they moved in, up until about 4 wks back when the band played Bristol and unbeknownst to them, were visiting here at mine (after the official afterparty; this's s.thing i don't broadcast much for obvious reasons).

the thing of it is, they actually came down to complain and were greeted at the door by Delta Slide Dude hisself who invited them inside, where they sat here, amongst my friends and the band (but seemed awestruck, whilst listening to me on the new album).

'Oh, how we laughed...'

they're really nice ppl but before that, it was a bit like having parents who, somehow, are younger than i am. well, it /was/. now i get polite nods, furtive glances and (what i believe looks like) respect. *snigger*

what was i on about again? right – earwig gone. :-)

 
At 26 May 2008 at 17:49, Blogger Paula said...

Disturbing indeed . . .

 
At 26 May 2008 at 17:57, Blogger Nichola said...

Why can't I stop singing that song now? WHY?

Curses, Monsieur Squirrelle Rouge - CURSES! A pox on all your nuts!

 
At 26 May 2008 at 18:17, Blogger Red Squirrel said...

You're welcome *doffs cap*

 

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