24 September 2007

You know that sound people make just before they throw-up? That rumbling grumble that ends with a 'YAK!' sound swiftly followed by the onrushing technicolour yawn.

I was sadly reminded of this sound about 3am this morning when Floyd, previously happily slumbering on my bed, woke me with that sound and then proceeded to puke five times over the edge of my bed onto (in reverse order of importance) some receipts, an old pair of trainers, a rucksack, my mp3 player and a pile of books. Plus over the sheets and duvet as well, of course.

To say I was a tad pissed off by having to clean it up at that time in the morning is an understatement.

It did, however, remind me of an incident in my final year at university with my then girlfriend - the evil, manipulative mega-bitch Jenny*. She'd been visiting me in Bristol (we'd been going out about a year and a half by then) and we'd spent the evening going for a meal and seeing some old friends of ours from Germany who were also in Bristol that weekend. Jenny proceeded to get very drunk, being an utter lightweight (well, in drinking terms anyway - meeee-ow! :) ) and was pretty embarrassing all night. Even getting to the point of repeatedly declaring her undying love for me (which would've been nice had I not known even then that it was a lie). When we finally returned to my room she decided that walking the ten metres to the bathroom was too much effort so resorted to puking in my bin. After cleaning that up after her I wasn't best pleased and decided not to sleep in the single bed with her and instead slept on the floor next to the bed.

I was woken in the early hours of the morning by a sound that about 200,000 Indonesians living near Krakatoa were (very briefly) given the pleasure of hearing 200 years ago. This was followed by a 'YAK!' I sensed movement and commando-rolled out of the way just as Jenny leant over the bed on my side (the freshly cleaned bin having been helpfully placed on the other side) and proceeded to spew a vast amount of vomit exactly where my head had been seconds before, the evil cow**.

Naturally I considered this an adequate reason to split up. She did persuade me the next day that we should stay together and then about a year later ripped out my heart and most of liver. You've got to admire someone who takes a year to make a point. :)

* Not to be confused with the Jennifer I went to see in Dublin, to whom the word 'mega' would be very harshly attributed. :-P

** Maybe I need to stay away from that name. Hmmmm. I did meet a nice Jennifer once, though she did use to experiment on small animals for medical research purposes so probably not the best example (for all I know she used to cackle maniacally while removing limbs). There was a Jennifer married to Mr Lim, but actually no, she cheated on him and kept the kids in the divorce - that was quite evil. It's the name, it's cursed! Cursed I tells ye! Burn them! BUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRNNNNNN THHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEM AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLL!

[Note: I in no way actually endorse the burning of those called Jennifer. It'd be bad for global warming for a start..... ;-) ]


At 28 September 2007 at 15:06, Blogger weenie said...

So I take it this kind of behaviour is normal with Floyd, or is he not well?

Have to say that even during my heyday as a drunken student, I always made it to a sink, toilet, dark alley or behind a tree, once!

Can't drink like that any more and frankly, wouldn't want to - it's not pretty!


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