Well I'll get the least pleasant bit out of the way first so it's at the bottom of today's posts.

This wasn't something I ever wanted to post but it's finally spilled over into my personal life and some people have asked questions. Having talked about it with them, it feels better to admit it than hide it anymore.

Ever since early June I've been going through serious bouts of depression that have been getting worse and worse (mainly stress and exhaustion but also personal things that have bubbled up). Having been to the doctor's, I was recommended anti-depressants - but having seen a good friend come off the stuff it wasn't something I ever wanted to experience. Plus taking them can make you unfeeling, seriously disturb your sense of balance and make you prone to bizarre acts. Despite feeling pretty damn low, I wasn't sinking that far yet.

I'm not saying I've been clinically depressed, christ no - not quite that bad - but it's been making me lazier than usual, demotivated, incredibly introverted and my drinking has gone through the roof (the more amusing amongst you will suggest that I've been severely depressed for the last 15 years). The few social occasions since then I've tried my best to put a happy face on but it's been really hard recently as I've attempted to deal with it by rationalising how I felt on my own. I can't say I've probably been very good company recently :(

However, in the last week or so I've finally realised myself that I need help and what I'd previously only superficially agreed to, I've done properly and am seeing someone professionally now. Hopefully this will iron out the kinks in my mind.

Some friends have been supportive through this despite how I've been , some have walked away entirely. It hasn't helped and I respect their decisions - whilst retaining little respect for them as people.

I hope to come out of this a stronger person. Only time will tell I guess.

Sorry to bore you all :)