Revelation of the week:

In fact, my life has been pretty much of a nothing for quite a while now and my high level of nearly daily drinking was purely a mask to fill in the gaps and to stop my brain working. I think the biggest benefit of not drinking is that I'm being forced to *do* things to fill my evenings rather than come home with a six-pack (or *ahem* 2). We shall see what the year ahead brings....




I went to Badminton tonight for the first time in three weeks after pulling an arm muscle - notthatI'mfatoranything - and lasted three whole high clears before it felt momentarily like someone was jabbing a red-hot poker into my arm and deep into my bone-marrow. Game over before I even got started (again). Not that it hurts much beyond doing a high clear - which doesn't happen often in real-life if I'm honest - so I confined myself (as is my wont) to a brief 'Auaa!!!'

Note: You may, or may not, know that germans don't say 'Oww!' they say 'Auaa!' - pronounced oww-er. I revert to german now and then. It's probably tres annoying. Um, and french too.

Anyway, my point is that I clearly wasn't very hurt because I said 'Auaa!' It's an obvious fact that a true exclamation has to be one syllable, if you say two (or more) then you're thinking about it and aren't properly hurt.

Obviously.

I mean think about it, when you hit your thumb with a hammer, or step on an upturned plug in the dark, or stub your toe on a door, or catch a scrotal pube in your jeans zipper as you zip up - ripping it out at the root and causing you to double up enough to headbutt the cistern etc etc. All these moments of excruciating pain can be beautifully ameliorated with a loud and heart-felt 'FFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!'

Anyone who says 'Fiddlesticks!' isn't hurt in the slightest. Word.

Even germans in moments of extreme pain resort to an 'AAAARRRRRGHHHH!!!!'

So, whatever, I'm missing Badminton for another few weeks which is a huge shame because I enjoy it, notbecauseIshouldbedoingmoreexercisebecauseI'mfat.

Because I'm not. Really.