Experiment No. 6

The subject has now gone seven days without alcohol and apart from sudden colds and stomach bugs which he claims he suffers from when he's not having a daily antiseptic mouthwash known as 'beer', he appears to be fine. He is also claiming that sobriety is causing him to hallucinate that several recently deceased celebrities are taunting him with ethereal bottles of beer at night and causing lost sleep - though I believe that he is making that up so that I have something to write down during our clinical visits.

In our latest round the subject informed me that he had, through recent events, discovered an unique insight into the fragile inter-personal relationships between men and women. When pushed to elaborate further he decided to explain his insight via a story. I allowed him this small indulgence.

"Person A met Person B via a friend having been out of contact for many years after university. Person B had since married and divorced but was enthusiastic about meeting up when they were both in the same place. They did so and had a fantastic evening catching up and having a good laugh. It seems they both had had appalling taste in the opposite sex since they'd last met up, but were both resolved to try a bit harder to meet someone right. Nothing untoward happened that night but they agreed to meet up again soon.

Day 1
Persons A and B met again a few weeks later and again had a fantastic evening that progressed to a very pleasant night. Nothing was, shall we say, 'consummated' after Person A - hearing about Person B's recent relationship history - decided to draw a line at not endangering their newly re-built friendship. Enough fun was had on the right side of the line to leave both with huge grins on their faces the next morning.

Days 2-4
Multiple text conversations were had over the next three days and things were cool. Person A wasn't interested in anything beyond friends as Person B lived on the other side of the country. However, Person A may have considered something more had they lived closer but that was purely hypothetical.

Day 5
Person A, going to be away for a few days, emails Person B to say that he'd really enjoyed the other night and would she like to meet up again in a month or so? Person B replied that 'I'm not sure I can really handle a planned meet up quite yet, sorry, it's just not right for me at the moment, like I said I'm not into relationships right now but am more than happy to stay in touch via txt / phone / email. I've tried to be in relationships recently and have just ended up hurting the other person because I get cold feet and just totally blank them out. Not meaning to be hurtful but just because I think I'm afraid of alot of things.'

Person A was puzzled as he'd meant to meet as friends and nothing more. He replied as such, and was informed by Person B that 'Thanks for that, means a lot that you want to stay friends as I do too. You [sic] fear of trusting women I guess is akin almost to my fear of 'somthing' [sic] in relationships that I just don't know what it is yet.

Guess I just need more time.

I'm happy to stay friends for sure.'

Day 10
Happy New Year texts are exchanged.

Day 13
Person A texts Person B to say hello, how are you? Person B replies that they are really busy but fine.

Day 14
Person A, as per text from Day 13, tries to call Person B to catch up since Christmas but is bumped to voicemail. Person A gives up a lost cause and mentally wanders off. There's chasing and there's chasing, and Person A has limited patience for that sort of thing.

Day 15
Person B changes her facebook status to 'In A Relationship With' someone who has 'Tiberius' as one of his middle names."

The subject at this point acts astonished at what wonder-drug or ground-breaking therapeutic technique could change someone from being afraid of relationships to being in one in ten short days. Or maybe, says the subject, the emails were just a bunch of lies? He says this with a wry smile, so it's unclear as to how serious he's being.

"And the insight?" I ask him, leaning forward eagerly with a glint of excitement reflecting off my glasses and pen poised over my notes.

"Ah, the insight," he replies, leaning back in his chair. "Women," he pauses for dramatic effect, "women," he repeats, musing over his next words.

"Women are just snakes with tits."

The experiment continues.....